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Award-winning author shares her 'Love List'

LOVE GURU: Sonia Poleon

Q: Why did you decide to write 'The Love List'?

Sonia Poleon: A radio interview I did went viral when I called in to tell them that I had been proposed to 14 times. My story became a huge hit and went on to receive over 70k likes. A social media expert contacted me and she said, “What are you going to do about this because this, it will go cold soon”. I had no idea what to do and she didn’t give me any advice.

I spoke to a few friends about this and they suggested I write a book. I thought it was a fantastic idea especially as I had already helped some of them to create their own Love List and they had been successful in finding love.

So, I did just that, I went on a book writing boot camp and wrote my book in a couple of weeks.  

Q:Tell us more about the production process behind the book?

SP: This three-day boot camp was fantastic. I had always thought there was a particular way in which you write and publish a book, but the truth is, only you know your story and the events that took place so you are best qualified to write your own story.

I developed my own little system on how to get everything down on paper and I committed to writing 300 words every evening.

I already knew what my angle was going to be and I had an idea of what I wanted to call the book so I concentrated on getting the content down before I thought about finalising the title and the book cover.

Once I was in the writing zone, it opened up a floodgate in my head, I was writing and things just wasn’t in a chronicle order. I didn’t care, the most important thing was to get it out of my head and on paper where it belonged.

Once I had written everything down, I went back over and started moving things around and putting them into place.

I read that book between seven to ten times before publishing. My friend helped me to publish it and before long it became an international best seller.  I was gobsmacked.

A lot of people have certain requirements when it comes to relationships but tend to re-evaluate or compromise on some as they get older. What has made you stick so strongly to the requirements you have?

Everyone is at a different stage in their journey, the older you get the more your needs change. In 1943 Abraham Maslow created the hierarchy of needs, it suggests five levels of motivation or changes that happens in life that is divided into three categories.

Dependent on where you are on the Maslow’s scale will decide on what your needs are.

A couple of my previous marriage proposals came from men who knew I was a go getter, could see that nothing was going to stop me from becoming successful and therefore thought I would be a great partner.

Their need at the time was love and affection whilst my need was to achieve so I wasn’t thinking of being in a relationship.

After my divorce, I was concentrated on raising my four children, studying for my degree, starting a business trying to become successful, so love and connection wasn’t on my mind.

Because there are many different facets to business, I spent a lot of time learning and implementing, there was no time to cultivate a relationship.

Having compiled my list of requirements, as time went by I realised that my needs changed, so every so often I update my list.  My list consists of three columns just like a job description, essential, desirable and can’t stand.  

I know myself and I know when my needs change, when I meet someone I know what their needs are.  There is no point settling for someone just because I am getting older.

Q: If there was one particular message readers could take away from the love list, what would it be?

SP: Get to know yourself, what you need and what you want, prepare yourself to be the person you want to meet.  Once you have read the book it will be difficult for you not to change.

Growing up, what were the examples of love and relationships that you saw? And whether they were positive or negative, how did they affect you?

SP:I grew up in a traditional Caribbean family with six sisters and four brothers. Our parents were strict and discussing relationships wasn’t the thing to do back in those days.

All the friends of my parents were married but what I can’t say is if they were happy because in those days, people were more concerned with making a living and providing for their family.

It wasn’t like these days, most relationships are built on compatibility, love, respect and how you can enhance each other’s lives.  My older siblings had relationships but to be honest I wasn’t looking to them for inspiration.  They all seemed to be getting on but as I got older I realise there is more to a relationship than just being physical.

Q: What are some of the testimonies you can tell us from women who've used the love list to get what they want?

SP: Among other things I am also a business coach and mentor, I meet people all the time, and before I wrote the book I had a group of women who were looking for love, I helped create their own Love List and two of them went on to get married.

Almost all of them said by creating their Love List, it made them look internally and realised that unless they changed they wouldn’t find a partner.

Q: What do you have planned for the rest of 2017?

SP: Right now, I am doing my postgraduate studies which should be completed by October.

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