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Dating by numbers

I’VE DATED lots of different people who have ranged from the old to the young to the downright immature!

I’ve dated the good, the bad and the liars - who claim to be 5’8 but are actually 5’4 (Does he hope he won’t be standing long enough for me to notice?)

I've dated in search of that chemistry.

Years ago I read The Game by Neil Strauss and was appalled at how he taught men how to trick women into dating. Sadly, he forgot to teach them how to sustain a relationship.

The only thing I agreed with was that you had to create opportunities and options. Dating after all is all about probability and possibility.

So for those who take a strategic look at dating, here are three ways of dating by numbers:


The obvious one is Internet dating, which is time spent searching and interacting online. But beware of those who are nothing like their online personalities. There was one guy I met online who wrote LOL at everything I said making me believe that we were simpatico. However, when we met, he had nothing to say but to complain about having to pay to for parking.

Before you start dating, get a list together of the top 10 things you want in a partner. Then split this list into five essentials and desirables. Is it starting to sound like a person specification? That’s because it is!

If he doesn’t embody these five essentials, move on! He’s not suddenly going to become a Christian, give up smoking or not have children.


Alternatively you could ASK each of your friends or family members to set you up on one date this year. In the USA some people even have small flyers they give to friends, which details key facts about them. I’m not sure if this will catch on in the UK, but a photo of you for them to show potential dates doesn’t hurt.

A word of caution. Be very clear as to who you will and won’t date. My cousin set me up with his friend who told me he loved me on our first date. I’ve now added no intense or crazy people onto my list of essentials.


Whoever said we had to date one person at a time? We seem obsessed with exclusivity, which in turn puts pressure on the relationship way too early. The best thing a future partner can think is that you had options and you still chose him or her.

Be honest if you are asked whether you’re dating multiple people. I dated two guys at once and told both, but apparently they thought I was joking…until they met!

Dating by numbers sounds calculated, well, it is, but it means that you get to go out there and have lots more adventures.

Happy Dating!


Chelsea Black is a Sex / Relationship Coach and Business Consultant who lives in South West London. She is working on her first book, finding her second husband and hosting a radio show on Champagne and chocolate are food groups

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