IMAGINE THIS all too familiar scenario. A couple are in a marriage where the husband has to work long hours. The wife feels somewhat neglected and she spends more time looking after the kids. As a result the husband feel that his wife just doesn’t have any time left for him. Too often couples in this situation find themselves drifting apart. Can situations like this be turned around?
If you find yourself in this situation here are some ideas you can think about. Firstly, both partners need to want to save the relationship. Relationships take hard work and if either partner doesn’t think the relationship is worth the hard work and feels they would rather not stay together then there is very little that can be done.
It’s not very fulfilling to remain in a relationship because it is a bother to end it, or because there are children involved. Both parties must really want to make a success of their relationship or nothing is going to work.
Do you know why the relationship failed? Sometimes the things that people believe are behind the break up are not the real reason, they are circumstances which have come about because of the underlying problems – the real reasons for the failure of the relationship. If one of the partners has an affair it may be seen as the reason for the break up, but in reality it is only because there were real problems in the relationship at the time of the affair.
Have you lost that intimacy in your marriage or relationship? Is this cause for concern to both parties? Have you lost sight of why you got together in the first place? You will never mend a broken relationship unless you are honest and face up to the real situation. You cannot sweep things under the carpet because if you do, things can never be better. You have to sort out the problems before you can move on and find out how to save your relationship.
You need to have a heart to heart talk with your partner. Try to be totally honest and above board. Talk things through, and don’t just skirt round the real issues. If you don’t face up to what is really wrong you will never make a success of your relationship, even if you did get back together. The real problems would still be there.
Never forget that everything is about communication. How is your partner to know what you are thinking if you don’t share your thoughts? You may think they ought to know, but they are not mind readers – don’t blame them because they genuinely do not know what you want unless you verbalise it. Let your partner know that you genuinely want to save your relationship.
Try to inject a bit of romance back into the relationship if things have gotten a bit stale. Try to surprise the other partner – try not to be so predictable.
Also, talk to each other, properly, not just about what to have for dinner or where to go for your holiday – talk about your innermost thoughts. I don’t mean that you should aim to lose all your mystique – you need to keep some things in your head in order to bring about surprises now and then, but points which concern your relationship.
If something is bothering you, say so – get it out in the open and discuss how to clear up the problem. Don’t expect immediate results. You won’t suddenly have a perfect relationship. This is going to take time and effort. Be prepared to take your share of the blame for the breakdown, but never stop looking forward. It will all be worth it in the end.
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