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Open letter to an ex

AS I stood on your doorstep, my feet sinking in the snow, I watched as your silhouette danced across the glass door like I wasn’t there.

As my snow bitten fingers desperately rang your doorbell, I watched as you heartlessly turned off the lights, cloaking your semi-detached house in darkness.

This was all that remained of our relationship.

You knew I was there, pleading for a moment of your time, and you didn’t care.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and my heart jumped.

“Go home. There’s nothing for you here,” you wrote via text.

Your words hit me like the cold winter snap.

They stung like the frostbite in my toes.

I had been locked out of your house and your heart. And it hurt.

My reply pleaded with you to change your mind, speak with me for just a minute and hear me out. Please. Just one minute, 30 seconds even!

I waited 15 minutes for your reply. It could’ve been 30 minutes in reality, yet you ignored my desperate plea.

Reluctantly, I turned. The snow crunched beneath my feet like my heart in your grasp.

It was over. Dead. Do Not Resuscitate.

My walk home felt like the longest walk ever. The voices in my head were locked in a bitter dispute with my heart.

I love you. I hate you. I need you. I never want to see you again. They tore pieces into each other.

The more I walked, the weaker I felt. The more I walked, the more I was forced to confront the realisation that we would never be ‘WE’ again.

I’d never feel your arms wrapped around me, I’d never hear you tell me you loved me and I’d never cross the threshold of your semi-detached again.

Although deep down I knew there would be no change, I kept a bedside vigil by my phone for the entire night. I watched for signs of life, prayed for recovery, nothing.

Then something happened.

My phone came to life.

“Hi,” you started.

“I can’t believe you came to my house yesterday. I couldn’t come to the door because I’ve made a decision and I don’t want anything to change that. It’s over. I’ve met someone new and I’m happy.”

Ouch. He was throwing punches and I was too weak to fight back.

He went on: “We had our time and though it was good, it became bad. Our ship has set sail for the final time and it’s not turning back. Please don’t come to my house again. I hope you meet someone soon. Goodbye.”

And with that, he closed the door on 10 years of us.

I cried until my body shook, I cried until I was empty.

The pain was unbearable, unthinkable and unknown.

What would I do now?

It took months to again be reunited with the person I was before you broke my heart. But I met her again.

She was a lot happier than I remember and boy, how could I forget how great she looked in a pair of heels and figure-hugging jeans. I missed her.

Not only did I find her again, but so did he.

I’ve met someone new, just like you hoped. I know now what you meant when you said you’re happy. I am abundantly so too.

It’s funny how someone can bring out the person you vowed you’d never show again.

She’s beautiful, though wary, but he’s patient, loving and kind.

He’s everything I hoped you would be, but never were.

I’m sure she’s all that for you too.

So I’m saying thank you.

Thank you for breaking who I was so I could become who I’m meant to be with who I’m meant to be with. Thank you.

I don’t hate you, nor recall that fateful night on your doorstep with any malice.

I realise it was necessary for me to grow. For you to grow. I guess that’s why they call it growing pains.

I’ve seen your missed calls and I’m happy that you’ve made peace with the situation and now feel ready to talk, but I think it’s my time to make a decision that’s best for me and my new relationship.

Goodbye and in the words of US rapper Drake, ‘take care’.

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Have you got something on your chest that you’ve always wanted to say to an ex? Maybe there’s something you want to apologise for? This is your forum. Email us: yourtale@gvmedia.co.uk

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