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A snip in time!

BAN: Circumcision has been banned in Germany

‘TIS THE silly season for journalists and nowhere on earth is sillier than Germany when it comes to news stories.

If they're not somewhere starting a war they can't win, they're trying to conquer beaches with their bath towels or trying to get Greeks to work like slaves for ever so that they can sing “Deutschland, Deuthschland uber alles" all the way to the bank. But if you think that's silly, wait till you hear what they've done to dear old willy (pronounced 'Villy' in German).

In the same week that a group of Zimbabwean male politicians arranged a mass circumcision amongst themselves to highlight the fact that men who have had the snip have got far less chance of passing HIV to their partners, Germans have gone the other way in defence of foreskin.

In fact they've banned circumcision for religious reasons, which has had Muslims and Jews in the country up in arms. A German court has even ruled that circumcision is ‘bodily harm'!?!

Now, I don't know about you, but that's the silliest news I've heard all year. It's no more bodily harm than getting your ears pierced. Given all the health benefits of being circumcised you would have thought the Germans and everybody else would be encouraging it. And it's not just for health reasons. What about the aesthetic reasons. Nine out of 10 women prefer it - in my humble experience. If my anecdotal evidence is anything to go by, once women go "hacked" they don't go back.

I know, it's a sensitive subject and most men feel pain when you discuss being 'hacked off'.  I have never known any different so I don't squirm at the mention of it. It's a birth right to us Adebayos because cleanliness is next to Godliness and by the time he is just five or six weeks old, an Adebayo boy and his foreskin go separate ways.

Back in the old days when you couldn't get it done on the NHS we had to call for the local rabbi. They were the only ones who would perform it.
I remember back in 1968 when my new-born younger brother was six weeks old and it was his turn to join the club.

The rabbi came all the way down from Golders Green in north-west London to our humble bedsit in Tottenham. I remember him reassuring us that they called him the Muhammad Ali of circumcision, because he floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee. And, indeed he did. I blinked and it was all over with two swift moves of his hand.

It took my poor baby brother a moment or two of delayed reaction to realise that something was missing. And then the wailing started.  After about an hour of bawling out his poor little eyes he fell soundly asleep with his thumb firmly in his mouth for fear of losing that during his slumber.

In a couple of days it was all over. The bandages were removed and he was whole again. And look at him today. He is one of the most successful authors of his generation. That bout with the Cassius Clay of foreskins never did him any lasting damage. So what's the big deal?

Procedure

Of course it's a different thing entirely if you wait until you're an adult to have the procedure done. There's no couple of days later for you. As my best friend Hajj found out when he was in his twenties.

He was forced to undergo a circumcision for health reasons. He couldn't walk for six months after that. And, frankly, he was not able to consummate another relationship for at least 18 months. I personally think he never ever recovered from it. He claims he did. All I can say is that he was never the same person again and it was a good job he already had children.

But we blokes were made to suffer. So what if our voices go up an octave or two?
So what if we become impotent? These are small sacrifices to save our women from the multitude of diseases that an uncircumcised male carries. Yes, it's easy for me to say. But it wasn't so easy when I was just six weeks old.

After all these years, I still can't understand why women don’t demand that their partners go and see the rabbi. If they knew the full consequences of foreskin they would have a surgical scalpel at the ready.

N.B. Don't try it at home folks without the presence of a qualified technician.

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