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MOTHERS’ PRIDE: Sally with the twins and her mum

Mum tells how adoption changed her life.

LIKE MOST new mums, the first day Sally Balffour laid eyes on her twins her life changed forever. The memory of her son and daughter darting across the room screaming, “Mummy, mummy” 16 years ago is as clear today as if it happened yesterday, and still brings a smile to her face.

But, unlike most new mums, Sally did not give birth to her children – she adopted twins Arata and Lawet after seeing an advert in The Voice.

Her joyful experience of becoming a mother inspired her to set up the Thank U charity, which brings African and Caribbean people together and stresses the importance of adoption.

On October 4, Sally will host an exclusive dinner and dance gala at London’s Dorchester Hotel, celebrating literary icon Maya Angelou’s 80th birthday. The aim is to promote adoption within the African-Caribbean community and the importance of education.

Her organisation plans to build three libraries – in South Africa, Ghana and Trinidad and Tobago – to include books that Maya Angelou has in her own library.

Speaking exclusively to The Voice, Sally revealed why giving back in life is “food for the soul.”

She said: “When I was 20 I was just like any other career minded woman – head strong and focused.

“I came to the UK from Ghana to study interior design and architecture at South Bank University. Having kids was an afterthought because I wanted to complete all of my personal ‘things to do in life’ list.”

She finished her studies, landed a high-flying job, got married and planned a family. But her home pregnancy test always came up negative.

Sally discovered she had multiple fibroids, which reduced her chances of becoming pregnant down to five percent.

“I was in complete shock and I began to reflect on all the days that I have been prancing around without a care in the world, not realising that my fertility clock was ticking away,” she said.

Coming from a family of 19, the concept of not having children did not exist in her mind. In need of some TLC, Sally called her mother in America to tell her about the fertility problem.

“My mother was dumbfound but she asked me a very crucial question: ‘What do you most desire when it comes to children? Is it the experience of childbirth or wanting to be a mother?

“My mother’s question focused my thinking and it made me realise that if the opportunity to give birth has eluded me I still had the chance to be a mother. My mother also reminded me that I once said that I wanted to adopt, and highlighted the fact that the opportunity to do so had now manifested.”

Feeling uplifted, Sally spoke to her then husband about adoption, which he welcomed with an open heart and mind.

“We both felt that this was nature’s way of asking back due to some of our inappropriate decisions we had made in the past,” she said.

During various conversations with friends, she discovered that one of her acquaintances had adopted two boys from the same local authority that she was applying to.

“My husband and I saw this as a sign from God, especially because we ended up having the same social worker.

“The entire adoption journey was a lovely, spiritual learning curve for my husband and I to embrace,” she said.

“After the assessment was over our social worker asked us what type of child we would like and we asked for twins.”

At that time, Sally’s husband worked as an advertising executive for The Voice newspaper, and spotted an adoption advert featuring twins.

“My husband nearly fell off his chair,” she laughed, remembering the moment. “We called up the adoption agency immediately and strangely enough the little girl resembled my cousin and her brother looked exactly likes a close friend of ours.

“God was definitely listening to our prayers because we were successful in their adoption over 10 other families.

“At first my son Lawei, did not gel with me,” she continued. “In fact, I think he hated me at the time, while my daughter fell into my arms straight away. “However, the turning point of my husband and I bonding with our new kids was through the help of their Grand Maya [Angelou],” Sally said.

“I told Maya about the trouble I was having with the twins and she asked me to bring them to her house while she was staying in the UK.

“Maya was the first person outside our family unit to meet our kids and she did this amazing exercise that planted the seed of trust inside their souls.”

Sally said the renowned author and poet took two plates of biscuits and handed them over to the twins. As they rushed to scoff them all in one go, Angelou stopped them in their tracks. She told them they did not need to eat their treat at once, because unlike before the adults in charge would not take away their food or anything else that belonged to them.

“My twins had very little trust in adults because all their lives they were used to being abused or things being taken away from them,” Sally said.

“Grand Maya’s simple exercise taught them to trust their surroundings, environment, and most importantly their new parents.

“My kids continue to have a very close relationship with Grand Maya to this day, and we all visit her every Thanksgiving in America.”

Recalling the twins’ first day at school, Sally described them as behaving like an old married couple. “They were smartly dressed with polished shoes and they clung to each other like koala bears,” she chuckled.

Sally planned to return to work once they were settled into school, but her marriage ended and the twins’ behaviour regressed.

“My split with my husband had a profound effect on the twins so I asked my beloved mother to move in with us to help settle them back down.”

But while the twins’ behaviour began to improve, Sally’s mother fell ill and started to suffer from dementia. Her plans to return to work were once again put on hold.

“Life was very hard looking back. I really don’t know how I was able to cope,” she said. “But my experience stands as a testimony that if you call on God all will be okay.”

With time on her hands while the twins were at school, Sally began to focus on some of the issues that black children in care faced.

“I began to develop a relationship with my local social services and adoption unit, until they eventually asked me to speak on their behalf regarding adoptions at various conferences. The next thing I knew I was sitting on the committee of British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF), and I later became trustee.

“This is something I really enjoy because I am able to influence the black community about the importance of adoption, which is a real issue within the Diaspora.

“I also use my position as the only adoptive parent sitting on the committee to inform others first hand about the trials and tribulations of adoption, and I now sit on adoption panels interviewing potential adoptive parents,” she said.

Discovering how poorly African-Caribbean kids are treated in care and foster homes, and hearing horror stories from black couples who wanted to adopt, inspired her to set up the Thank U charity.

“The charity is a fundraising organisation that puts on events, which included all the things black people enjoy such as food and music like the ‘Maya Angelou at 80’ dinner and dance gala, thus encouraging all who attend to analyse themselves to see if they could become adoptive parents,” she said.

“Adoption is not an easy task to take on but if you can weather the storm and hang on during the hard times you will feel so amazing once the storm is over.

“Every trial and tribulation I have experienced adopting my kids has been a great blessing and I thank the Lord for making me infertile, because if I was able to conceive kids I would not be able to share my story, which is why I named my charity Thank U.”

Published: 15 September 2008
Issue: 1338

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