‘Why I am no longer interested in black men’

Writer Wendy James says she has grown tired of black men’s disdain for their female counterparts

“WHY DO you like black women? They wear weaves and their attitudes stink. You must be crazy!”

This statement was made by a young black man after my white friend expressed his interest in dating black women. The comment didn’t deter him and he is still in search of his beautiful black queen.

Unfortunately, for the black male, his comment did not offend me. I smiled at him and quickly changed the subject.

I am accustomed to black men denigrating black women and have come to expect it.

I used to love black men so much that I dated them exclusively for a long time and then I began to notice something.

The love is unlikely to be returned.

Initially, it began with celebrities. Many black male celebrities are married to or dating non-black women. Names like golfer Tiger Woods, basketball champ Kobe Bryant and billionaire and music mogul Dr Dre, who could contribute significantly to the black community and to black families, have chosen not to.

They avoid black women like the plague. There is nothing wrong with interracial dating but the level that black men do is distressing. It’s as if they believe that dating white women will make society more accepting of them.

In the UK, you would be fortunate to find a black footballer or even a black actor with a black wife. They loathe their women so much that they even slander them in front of their white companions, much like the black male I mention in the opening paragraph. The hurtful and humiliating comments appear to be a dismal attempt to ruin the self-esteem of their women.

“I am not intimidated by black women,” laughed my blue-eyed, blonde-haired friend who is currently dating a black Premier League player. “My boyfriend would never touch one, they are not very attractive.”

Her comment did not offend me. We have been friends for a while and are quite open with each other. I would rather have a friend who is honest to my face than behind my back.

To be honest, I find it difficult to keep track of the number of white women I have met who are certain that their black partners would never want black women.

“They are better looking with amazing skin and long hair”, Steven, another friend of mine, remarked when I probed him on why he always dates white women. “I want my children to be pretty.”

Growing up, my mother used to tell me that there is nothing worse than loving a man who does not love you back.

It is rare to find a black man who loves black women. They dislike them so much that they refuse to marry them, leaving 70 per cent of black women single. Additionally, there are more single black mothers than women of any other race.

Black men have contributed significantly to the negative way the world views black women.

Three years ago, I decided to stop ‘waiting’ for a good black man. There is a 90 per cent chance that he might not want me anyway. My dark skin and coarse hair is enough to send him running.

I have fared better with white and Asian men. They like my hair and skin and are not embarrassed by me. I admire New York City mayor Bill De Blasio and his black family and discount the black men who try to deter white men from dating me. I would rather focus on the sensible white men who do not care about what society thinks.

The number of black women dating non-black men is increasing but not fast enough.

We need to wake up. It is a waste of time waiting around for a black man. Most are seeking non-black women. It is time for us to take a serious look at our options.

You only have one life to live, date who loves and respects you enough to marry you and one who will make you happy regardless of skin colour. Stop complaining about the way black men treat you. Leave! You are beautiful, you deserve better. If they cannot accept you for who you are, find someone who will.

Comments Form


  1. | Jason Nevins

    Wendy James talks about black men denigrating black women, but I think that this issue is just a matter of what goes around, comes around with regards to black women. James talks of black male celebrities dating non-black women, but there are many black female celebrities who date non-black men, such as Paula Patten, Janet Jackson, Naomi Campbell and Diana Ross to name but a few.

    James talks about faring better with white and Asian men, and how they’re not embarrassed by her and like her hair and skin. If this is the case, then how come Asian men never date or marry dark-skinned Asian women? In this country there are many Asian people who are very dark-skinned, yet Asian men never lust after them. They prefer light-skinned Asian women with long, straight hair. It is well known that dark skin and frizzy hair are looked down upon in the Asian communities. Why is it that Asian men date and marry black women but not dark-skinned Asian women? I feel that like white men, Asian men date black women because their friends have dared them to, as an experiment, as a fashion accessory, as rebellion, or because they think that black women are better in bed than non-black women. Funnily enough, most of the Asian men that I’ve seen with black partners are with mixed-race girls or light-skinned black girls.


  2. | Jay

    There’s too many points to address but long story short global society in general have issues with our people so we need to stick together now more than ever. Running to them is not the solution. Actually encountering them in the first place is why we’re messed up now cos they’ve destroyed so many lives over a long period of time. Anyway don’t worry about celebrities they work for evil forces plus the guys u mentioned are poor examples. Dre has issues from childhood. Koby is what we would refer to as a coconut and Tiger doesn’t even identify as black his father probably doesn’t either. Just because your skin is black doesn’t necessarily mean u are. Understand?


  3. | Balfour Burrell

    Wendy J column is based on her opinion not actual facts. Opinions are not knowledge or facts this we need to understand. Wendy made few personal observation happenings within her circles. But what she stating is not wide spread as how we would think. Since we migrated from africa we have interbreb with all nations where ever we went. People are free to be with who ever they are attracted to. Love do not have eyes for colour or race, attraction to someone neither. If black men speak badly of black women just to show their white lovers they are not attracted to black women then that is their own feelings. Once you disrespect your own race then it say all about you. If a white woman listen to a black man speak badly of black woman and still be with that person then it say something about that white woman. Wendy its not black men its the black men within your circle. I as a black man stick to my black woman but im not against race mixing. Being a pro black does not mean i do not accept humanity. Wendy J you made some points but sadly i as a black man do not agree with you.


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