MARC THOMPSON was born and bred in South London. The 51-year-old describes himself as an “out, proud and unapologetic black gay man.”

He is of Jamaican heritage.

Coming out

I came out to my mum when I was 16, just after my birthday. My dad found out a couple of years later.

Although it was a shock and surprise they needed to get their head around, I was incredibly lucky because my family were really supportive.

I think that’s a really important thing to say. It’s not the same for everybody. Lots of people do struggle and have really difficult experiences but I was lucky.

I had a really small trusted circle of friends at secondary school. I told them and they were cool about it. One of them told me later, that was just what friends did.

Safe spaces

As long as there have been black people in this country, there have been black LGBT people. We’ve always been here. This isn’t new. This isn’t something we created.

I don’t want to have to explain rice and peas to somebody, I don’t want to explain why I moisturise my skin, and why it takes so long to do so.

Marc Thompson

But it was very difficult for black LGBT people in the eighties, because there was an attitude of homophobia generally in the country at the time. And that was also present in black communities.

Papers like The Voice were not necessarily friends of the gay community. That was very unhelpful for us, as we tried to move the conversation forward.

After a while, I got my own confidence and found my tribe. There would be the Friday group which met, or Gay’s The Word which was a support group in the early eighties. There were some nightclubs too.

Outside of that though, it could be a really toxic and hostile environment. We had to protect ourselves, because we could lose our jobs, our families, our homes or face serious violence because of our sexuality.

Even today, there are spaces where I don’t walk around with a rainbow flag. If I’m in a barber shop and there’s a homophobic conversation, I’m not a gay man – because I need to get my hair cut every week.

Interracial relationships

It feels like every time a black gay celebrity comes out, me and my friends always look to see the boyfriend and he’s a white boy.

Your choice is your choice and I’m never going to berate you for it. But when there’s that continuous pattern, of course, black folk who love black folk are going to question that.

It makes it seem like black gay love is not a real thing, and that’s completely untrue.

Relationships

When I was young, I decided I didn’t want to explain my culture to a partner. I want those shortcuts that you can take when you’re in a relationship with someone from a similar cultural background.

I don’t want to have to explain rice and peas to somebody, I don’t want to explain why I moisturise my skin, and why it takes so long to do so.

Black love is a really powerful tool. We are told and socialised not to love each other and that’s why I choose it.

We cannot escape the impact that racism has on our day to day lives, and how that affects our psyches. At times, we bring that back into our families and households.

Radical love

In addition to longevity, black gay men can now aspire to marriage or starting families.

Romantically, as a gay man it’s really important for me because it says to people that two men, especially two black men can love each other. I think love between black gay men is radical.

This applies to friendships between black gay men too. Toxic masculinity tries to rob us of the intimacy that we can experience with each other. As black men and black gay men we are not taught love.

If I fall in love and I share my love with another black man, then he gets to experience black love and pay it forward to somebody else.

And that’s why I am keeping that love here. It doesn’t mean we can’t expand it out to the world, but for me, it is about teaching each other.

One of the beautiful things I always tell my queer brothers and sisters, especially my brothers, is that there are no rules in love.

It’s what works for two people who have decided to share their bodies, minds and lives together.

You can make that anything you want and that’s what makes it beautiful.

As told to Shanae Dennis