HELLO LOVEBIRDS, it’s the month of love already, yay! So this month I wanted to share some reflections on the grand ballroom of life, love and money, which has been my husband and I’s journey.
We have discovered that the beautiful dance between love and money is like a continuous waltz, where finding the right rhythm is an ongoing journey.
Let me share a personal guide that has kept us in sync and ensured that our love and money tango is just right.
Set the right beat:
Is money the root of all evil? Hell, NO! It’s not about loving or despising money; it’s about finding the right groove. Instead of seeing money as the ultimate evil, we see it for the possibilities it brings – security, opportunity and the ability to make a positive impact. This shared mindset has set the stage for a dance that has lasted quite well. As a financial educator, I know that attitudes to money affect people’s relationships with money and with others. So the lens I like to look through is “Is the glass half full or half empty?” Applying this to money, our approach as a couple has been that money is a tool that can either build or destroy, depending on how we use it. So instead of seeing money as the ultimate evil, we see it for what it can be – the security, the opportunity and the ability to positively impact our lives and the lives of others.
Our dance routine – communication:
Our relationship is like a dance routine – literally! Money is one of the steps. Open, honest communication is our secret sauce. We share our financial goals, fears, and dreams. Practicing active listening and making decisions together has kept our dance floor harmonious. It has also built trust and creativity because we are always thinking about what move can improve the flow. We discuss the seemingly silliest details and have done so from the beginning, which has set the pace for how we will continue. So we talk about practically everything; nothing is off the table. Just a reminder: It’s not about having the same financial background or income level; it’s about respectfully finding common ground and aligning your financial visions.
Our unique tempo:
Being a couple of colour has meant that our dance has had quite unique rhythms. From international influences to cultural shocks – (making a new country our home), societal expectations and personal aspirations have all had to blend into our routine. We have had to rely on each other to get our jive right. Creating a shared financial vision was a lifesaver for us. We started making every decision through the lens of that vision and goal setting, lifestyle choices and so on became so much easier to navigate. If you have a unique dynamic, it helps to discuss your ancestral financial history, explore avenues for building wealth and acknowledge any inherited challenges. This will strengthen your bond as a couple and create a united front against financial obstacles.
Choreograph financial knowledge:
Financial literacy has become our superpower. When we first moved to the UK, we were astonished to discover research showing disparities in wealth and access to financial education, particularly in Black communities. This struck a chord with us and we became very intentional about seeking out financial education and investment advice, eventually setting up MoneyMatiX to address this issue. Make it your mission to educate yourself and find the support you need, individually and as a couple, to break this cycle. “Financial literacy is your passport to freedom; it allows you to dance on your terms.”
Tynah Matembe family waltz:
Children and money Having children added new steps to our rhythm. We now had other people who were completely dependent on our moves. We learned that providing a secure financial foundation for our family was an act of love in itself. From my financial literacy obsessed point of view, it is the most important gift I can give my children. Teaching children about money, instilling the values of financial responsibility and engaging them in age-appropriate financial discussions will help your family from day one and guide them to a healthy relationship with money later in life. Check out the Youth Money Camps as a starting point for your child’s financial education. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverb 22:6
Date nights with our money:
Just as our relationship needs care, so does our money. Financial self-care means understanding our goals, creating a budget and tracking our spending habits. It’s about prioritising financial well-being as an act of self-love. Planning for the future is the tune that will last through any financial season. In our case, we have a money date night each week that we have come to thoroughly enjoy. At first I thought it was overkill, but looking back on our early meetings, it is testament to how far we have come and how much we have achieved. Give it a try and let me know what you think.
Overcoming challenges together:
Financial challenges are part of every story; in a relationship, they will test the strength of your connection. Facing challenges as a team will strengthen your bond. Remember to seek professional advice when needed and maintain open communication to guide you through a major financial storm. This Valentine’s month: Embrace your unique rhythms, cultural nuances and shared financial goals to make your relationship even more special. Make it a celebration of love and financial harmony. Here’s to dancing through life’s financial tango with the one you love. May your love and money dance be as memorable as ours.
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