RICCI AND Alisha Williams had a relationship that most people who knew them would describe as strong and loving.

The thirty-something married couple from north-west London knew each other’s families as children and had been together for 16 years.  However their relationship was nearly derailed by a third party: alcohol.

During their years together they had experienced the ups and downs of life that most long-term couples go through and their bond was stronger because of it.

But the social drinking that is often the backdrop for so many Britons to a family get-together, a meet-up with friends or a way to unwind after a stressful day gradually transformed into something that threatened to destroy the life they had built together.

In a bid to save their marriage the couple embarked on a journey of self-discovery that saw them emerge with a mission to help others experiencing similar challenges.

“When we were young we’d go out enjoying ourselves most weekends, go clubbing and we’d have a drink” Alisha recalls. “After our first son was born we would drink at home occasionally. But after we had our second child and moved to a new home a few drinks at the weekend would always help me to unwind after all the stress involved.

“On a Friday evening I’d go out and think ‘this is my time, I’m entitled to this. I’ve worked hard five days of the week, I’ve looked after the kids, now I’m going to let my hair down and have a few drinks. I’ll usually drink with friends.

“But I’d always go a little overboard and not know when to stop. And it would mess up my weekend because I’d be grumpy the next day, I’d be trying to  manage the kids at the same time which was stressful and it just became a constant cycle for us.”

Ricci’s problems with alcohol began through work.

“I used to work in a garage. And after we finished work and locked the cars away we’d stay behind, have a drink and we’d talk” he says. “Eventually things got to a point where I was having a drink every day after work.  Even on the days when I wasn’t working I’d go to work just to participate in the drinking.  We could be in the garage until 10 or 11 o’clock at night just having a good time.”

He continues: “Alisha was worried about my drinking but I didn’t see anything wrong with it because I was working, our bills were being paid, our kids were fed, the house was clean.”

The first lockdown following the Covid 19 pandemic saw the couple’s alcohol consumption escalate.

“Lockdown was when the drinking ramped up” Alisha recalls. “And it did for many others as well. We drank during the week, not just at weekends. My favourite would be old school Jamaican white rum like Wray and Nephew. In Ricci’s case it was Jack Daniels.”

By now Ricci was in a new job but one that still involved after-work drinks with clients. He would often bring bottles of alcohol home to share with Alisha.

The drinking came at a price. They were beginning to see the effects of social drinking in every aspect of their lives.

“Earlier this year, I realised I wasn’t enjoying drinking” Alisha recalls.  “I’d become very emotional and would argue with people after I’d had too much and I’d often black out. The turning point was at Ricci’s friend’s wedding in March. I went from enjoying the celebration to waking up at the table and that’s when I realised I needed to stop. I grew up with an alcoholic dad and I didn’t want my kids to experience what I’d gone through.”

Alisha’s growing desire to quit alcohol and the realisation that drinking was causing a rift between them eventually led to her giving her husband a tough ultimatum.

For Ricci, it was a major turning point.

“There were times when I’d arrive home smelling of alcohol and with a full bag full of bottles so we could drink at home. Alisha was getting worried and told me I reminded her of her dad who was an alcoholic. She said she’d found a local Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) chapter and if I didn’t attend I shouldn’t bother to think about coming home.”

He continues: “I felt disrespected. In my mind, I wasn’t an alcoholic. I didn’t need Alcoholics Anonymous, it was unnecessary.”

However he began to realise he had gone from someone who enjoyed a drink to someone who needed one.

“My family didn’t understand when Alisha would tell them I had a drink problem but that’s because I’d become such a pro at hiding it. However she was really good at spotting the signs because of what she went through with her dad so I had to evolve and change so that I could hide my drinking better.

“I could down half a bottle of whiskey and my mother wouldn’t even know. I’d say things like ‘I’m just going upstairs to the toilet’ and then I’d have a drink from a bottle I’d sneaked away in a cupboard or ‘I’m just going to sort out the boys’ room’ and then have a quick drink.”

Ricci attended his first AA meeting in April this year. However stepping into, what was for him, the uncharted territory of alcohol recovery, was not easy.

Ashamed

“The perception I’d always had of Alcoholics Anonymous was that it was for homeless people you’d see begging on the street so when I arrived I was embarrassed and ashamed to be there and I sat at the back.

“During that first session I heard some heartbreaking stories of people who had lost contact with their kids or people whose partners didn’t want to see them anymore. And I’m thinking ‘this isn’t me.’

“When asked to share my story I didn’t want to say anything. I felt uncomfortable and it didn’t help that there wasn’t anyone there from my background and after it ended, I had no intentions of going to another AA session.”

However that first experience had planted a seed.

“The second week there was another Black person there and some Asian people. The Black member of the group greeted me at the start of the session and that helped me relax and feel at ease. I introduced myself to others in the group and participated a bit more.”

In the following weeks Ricci began looking forward to the sessions.

“For the two hours that I was with other members of the AA group they were my family because we could relate to each other. Don’t get me wrong, my family and friends were very supportive of me but they hadn’t gone through what I was going through” he explains.

“Hearing others talk openly share their stories of more severe alcoholism made me reflect on my own journey. Some of them had been sober for five, 10, and in some cases 20 years. And that made me think, ‘If they can do it, why can’t I?’

Ricci and Alisha have now been sober for six months and are excited about celebrating their first alcohol-free Christmas.

“It’s normal for me to have a shandy on Christmas morning” says Ricci.  “I’d be drinking throughout the day, not heavily but maybe a glass of brandy here or a champagne there. But I’m really looking forward to this Christmas this year. We’re going to be around family and showing them how me and Alisha now are as a team and without any desire to drink alcohol.”

During the couple’s journey to sobriety, they noticed the lack of resources aimed at Black people who wanted to give up drinking. And this inspired Alisha to do something about it.

And this led to Alisha deciding to take action.

“Hearing how AA meetings helped Ricky inspired me.  I didn’t go to AA myself but I listened to a lot of podcasts about sobriety. When Ricci asked to listen to some of these I couldn’t find any from a Black man’s perspective. I was also surprised by the lack of representation for Black women and that gave me the idea to create a podcast to fill this gap. Although Ricci is a very private person he was on board with the idea straight away.”

Impact

Their new podcast, Black and Sober, launched last month. It shares personal stories and useful information for people in the Black community trying to give up alcohol.

Its impact was immediate.

“The feedback on our first episode was amazing” says Alisha. “Friends, family, and a lot of people we didn’t know reached out. A London DJ who turned his life around after years of drinking was the guest on our second episode and that brought a huge positive response. It’s so great to see the podcast resonate with so many people.”

The couple now hope that Black and Sober will provide an important platform for those in the community who want to give up alcohol.

“It’s important to keep talking about sobriety even after you’ve been sober for a long time. Things can happen in your life that can make you relapse and go back to drinking.

“There’s definitely a mental health aspect to alcoholism. People can use it as a way of avoiding raw emotions they might be feeling.

“I think my dad, for example, definitely had some sort of mental health issues and used alcohol to deal with them. Finding ways to destress and live and enjoy life without alcohol is so important and that’s what we want Black and Sober to achieve.”

To listen to the Black and Sober podcast please click here