WHEN THE alarming killing of George Floyd occurred on 25 May, with the subsequent fury that enveloped thousands of people around the world, it’s likely that your child has been asking you questions. What could you possibly say to explain the anger, hurt, and destruction that is being beamed into your home? 

Children are being taught about race all the time, even in nursery they are taught to describe themselves, their family and their community. They watch TV and will notice differences far more than we give them credit for. 

However, what they don’t understand is why those differences should create feelings of hatred and anger and this is where you come in.

In basic terms, racism is the belief that characteristics and abilities can be attributed to different races and as a result these races can be categorised as inferior and superior in relation to one another. When one race believes they are superior to another,  and that you should be treated better than those who are not of your own race.

Ultimately there is no right answer to my headline question. But here are some of the ways that you can talk to your child about racism.

Be brave

You may even feel that the recent incidents regarding Amy Cooper and George Floyd requires more than just a “wait and see” approach with your child. In such a case (depending on the child’s age) then you can raise the topic with them directly by asking questions. Take them through a book or magazine, ask them whether they noticed anything in particular about the pictures, and try to relate it to their friends or community. This type of questioning opens the door to discussing how your child sees the world around him or her and will help you assess the extent to which you need to deal with the topic.

If your child is asking questions because either they have seen or overheard something, then please don’t shy away from answering, be brave and tackle the question head on. 

Don’t shut down if you don’t have the answer

If you don’t have an answer, then admit it. Children have a sixth sense for sniffing out a response given to either shut them or a topic down. If you give them that impression; that there is something to hide, shy away from or be embarrassed about, then that is the impression that they will be left with. This would be wrong, particularly when history tells us that it is those who fail to question or challenge wrongdoing that permits such wrongdoing to fester.

In any event, if you don’t give them an answer, they will look somewhere else and who knows where that will lead. So depending on the age of your child, if they raise the topic, try to answer the question directly to the best of your knowledge or if you don’t have the answer then suggest you could both immediately go and find out, either by going online or actually speaking to a member of your friendship network or community. I know if someone asked me about my understanding of and experience of racism, I would be impressed that they took the time to ask, and listen. 

Ask them questions

If your child is older and has access to social media, don’t allow social media to be their parent. Ask them about what they are seeing and what their view is. If you see their friends, broach the topic with them. Yes, the bog standard response is likely to be “I don’t know”, but this is where you could push them with a question such as: “So what would you have done if you were Christian Cooper” or “How do you think George Floyd’s friends are feeling now?”

Expose your child to diverse art and literature

Exposing your child to art and literature is an easy way to consciously and subconsciously promote positive messages about different ethnic groups. Consciously by way of visual content and subconsciously by your child growing up surrounded by those positive messages and from the knowledge that their parents wanted them to have, know and understand different races.  

If you do care about your child understanding and appreciating other races, then take responsibility for ensuring that they get clear positive messages from you, or that you are able to reinforce that positive message if they challenge you with a negative one. 

However, you may find that you need to challenge yourself first and your own views about what you understand racism to be. What do your network of friends look like? How do you express feelings about other races when at home? Do your children, for example, possess books that reference those from other races in a positive light? 

Remember racism is not innate, but learnt. This means, the power to eradicate the unfairness that results from this bias is very real and attainable through education, information and communication, be that with your child, those in your community, or with society as a whole. 

You should also be conscious that racism isn’t just about the tragic loss of George Floyd, but can cause just as much harm through; for example, negative stereotyping which leads to a skewed view of how others should be treated in society, from the type of jobs they obtain to how they may obtain justice. It is just as important to tackle that bias because in failing to address this, those who suffer the unfair treatment will become disaffected, angry and turn away from the more conventional methods of seeking redress due to the fact that they no longer trust in the system. Those protesting the death of Mr Floyd no longer trust that the system will protect them from injustice.  

Children know all about life being “so unfair”, from having to go to bed at 7pm to not getting to eat sweets all day every day.  Helping them to identify and understand unfairness, that some adults get it wrong and that some adults are trying to make it better is a starting point on what will be a long journey for them understanding why some mistreat others, purely on the grounds of their race.

Paula Rhone-Adrien is a family law barrister and mediator with over 20 years of experience.